maybe love

 

Maybe love isn’t about

heart pounding

skin thrilling

eyes locking,

sparks flying.

Maybe it’s not like that at all.

Maybe it’s a gradual turning-over

like a leaf

from friendship, from indifference,

to a soft missing

when you wake up in the middle of the night;

the knowing of everything about a

person,

down to the dark

down to the unbeautiful.

Maybe it’s a hand offered

when they can’t hold on anymore.

Appreciating them for themselves;

not for how they make you feel

not for their body

but for their person, their soul,

their true self.

Finding that deepest part of them

more beautiful than anything.

Maybe that’s what love really is.

 

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P.S. mkay, first piece of technical, actual poetry i’ve ever published here for you lovely peoples’ eyes. i don’t write poems often, honestly, but this is one of my (slightly) better ones. still nervous though. haha. bye.

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it’s autumn?? + i’m blogging again, what is this

Hey frends. :)

I can’t believe it’s taken me sooooooo ridiculously long to get back into the blogging world. Life has been wonderfully/overwhelmingly chaotic. And we all know how I like procrastinating till my responsibilities devour me. Heh.

Summer 2018 was pretty darn amazing. <33 Spent time with fabulous people. Road tripped. Went to two conferences (both great, 10/10 would recommend). Took a lot of sky photos. Met new people. Canoed. Almost drowned while canoeing (still haven’t recovered, lolol). We watched fireworks + I discovered so many new songs to love + made a million library trips and found new favorite books.

It was a summer I’ll miss.

The novel has been coming along at a quicker pace now (for those of you who actually care)… I’m thinking about trying some very inexperienced actual plotting?? Ish. Just to get all my ideas together. Hahah. I’m very much a “planster”, so it’s a challenge. But I’m unmotivated and need structure in my life. :”’)

 

But. BUT. THE SEASON OF CRISPNESS AND COZY DRINKS IS UPON US.

 

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I literally can’tttt describe my love for autumn. It has no words. 

There are just so many SMELLS. The smells of freshness, colored trees, pumpkin spice, bonfires, and roasted marshmallows. The scarves and quilts that have been put up all year. Cinnamon and fallen leaves. The smell of apples.

Can a season be the best just because it has the best smells??

Last week the fam and I took a trip to NC + stayed the night + found our first pumpkin patch of the year. I’M NOT OVEREXCITED, YOU’RE OVEREXCITED.

 

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I’m dying from the beautifulness of all the pumpkins. Also the really sweet elderly dude who owned the patch gave us a bunch of free ones. They’re small and adorable and I just. Wow. Blessed.

Visited a chum who works at Starbucks the other week (rad human bean. she gave us a discount. friends in high places, muahaha) and got pumpkin spice lattes as well. The seasonal bucket list is underway. ;)

Very important question: what’s your fave thing about autumn?

 

I’m so glad to be back. Again.

*awkward laughter*

 

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P.S. My friends laugh at me for saying “autumn” instead of “fall” (if you’re reading this you know who you are). Apparently it’s a Brit thing… but I’ve grown up alwayssss saying autumn. Help me out here. Which one do you say?

wonder

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Have you noticed, we don’t wonder enough anymore?

I mean awe in the little things of life. Like

the infinite hues of the sky.

The flowers that grow in sidewalk cracks.

Smiles that light up peoples’ eyes.

How often do you stop to appreciate the fact that we live in a world where there are trees?

And laughter.

And kisses.

That shiver in your stomach when thunder rolls overhead.

The way a person’s face glows when they talk about something they love.

That you can walk on the beach and find heart-shaped rocks, or shells that have been caressed by the tides till they’re smooth and perfect.

That we live under a warm, beautiful sun that brings freckles to our skin.

The scent of rain.

I think it may be that technology and society have so far advanced we’re beginning to take some of the most beautiful, smaller things in life for granted. We’re in such a hurry – continually – to accomplish what’s important… and we’re stopping less and less to really look around at the world we live in.

Take the time to watch a sunset now and then. If you see something beautiful in someone, speak it. I think the world would be a happier place if more people stopped to smile, stopped to wonder at the little things.

 

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back from BWSC + a summary + life continues

Heya, guys. How’s everyone’s almost-summer? 

I got back from BWSC two weeks ago and I’m just now writing about it… which says something about how chaotic my life is right now… but we’re not gonna talk about that. Heh. So now for a messy, rambling account of the trip. And some pictures. Sorry there aren’t more; I completely failed at my goal of getting lots of photos.

The car ride there was a blur. Sunlight slanting through the windows. The Greatest Showman soundtrack. Stopping for lunch. Excitement, mountains, and the open road. It seems like the trip to somewhere always takes so much longer than the trip home… it felt like we were on the highway for hours and hours.

Tennessee is almost as warm as SC right now, but it has MUCH more of a breeze. Seriously. Back home now, the air feels flat as well as steaming hot. :/ Ahhhh.

 

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Our dorm had that stale, new scent when we arrived… not a bad smell, just unlived-in. The beds were raised about a yard from the floor as well? Which was fun?? You had to jump.

There was the time I was trying to wrestle my fitted sheet onto my bed, and I couldn’t reach the far corner, so I kind of executed this fantastic upward lunge across the mattress… and that’s when I lost my balance and the whole thing flipped over and squashed me against the floor.

Anywayyy. So many memories made.

Waking up with the sun the first morning… and taking literally five minutes to figure out how to operate the shower (at which time I was huddled half-awake under a rush of ice-cold water) (some concerns regarding hypothermia??)

The sounds of the cafeteria. Sleepy eyes, half-wet hair, the smell of coffee. Some dubious-looking eggs and slightly sketchy sausage. Also hashbrowns, which were actually really good. It’s kind of hard to mess up hashbrowns.

Walking downhill to lectures. Finding seats and stepping over legs, notebooks and searching for a pen. Walking back uphill to lunch.

Sitting in the cool night grass, watching volleyball. Spiders coming out onto the pavement. Saying goodnights and running to our dorms two minutes before curfew like responsible adults.

 

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Me: *standing behind this guy at breakfast, waiting for him to finish pouring himself cereal*

He: *elaborately fills an entire bowl with fruit loops* *pours chocolate milk on top of them*

Me:

 

Everyone cramming into one booth in the cafeteria. Laughing so hard it hurt. The food was… yeah. It was cafeteria food. :P We just ate way to many carbs and avoided the meat.  

Lunging up onto my ridiculous bed at night, and hoping I wouldn’t wake up on the floor in the morning with a broken back ahaha.

Speed volleyball, which was a new and overwhelming concept for me. That was the night I decided to sit and watch from the grass. Observing everyone else’s skill is good with me. XD

The week felt like an eternity, and yet it FLEW BY. I was just starting to get into the routine of everything and then it was time to leavvvve.

Lots of awkward hugging of newly-met people (shaking hands feels so stiff as a goodbye gesture, and there’s no alternative that’s a happy medium). And packing, ugh. How is it there’s always like twice as much junk to pack on the way home? 

 

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I’m so excited for next year. There were some truly amazing speakers and lectures, and I already miss all the cool people we met. :)

But on the ride home we had oreos… so that of course was some consolation.

 xx,

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P.S. Current fav song I discovered last week: Not Today, by Imagine Dragons. It makes me want to cry. :’)) Listen to it pls.

JUNE IS ALMOST HERE + some summer plans

Yo, frends.

It’s actually almost JUNE. And I’m asking myself how this happened?? In another month or two the year will be halfway over, guys. Where has the time gone.

But anyway. SUMMER. SUMMER IS ALSO ALMOST HERE. And following is a smol list of plans/goals I’d like to accomplish in the weeks ahead. :)

 

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BWSC. My first youth conference, whoop (i’m already thoroughly convinced that it’s going to be an awesome experience. it’s also every year, so, go look into that). It’s a week and a half away and approaching fast. I am meanwhile [stressfully] getting all the necessary stuff together, making plans, packing. There’s so much to think through. O.O Like, do I actually have enough shirts for this.

Planting a garden would be sooo much fun. But… sigh. Imma be realistic here. It’s one of those things we say we’re going to do every singe year… and then NEVERR DO. xD

READ. I just took out eleven books from the library (quite a heap, even for me), and so far I’ve only read… three? I need to step it up.

Have more deep conversations. One of my favorite things is when you find a friend you can have meaningful talks with as well as lighter chat… something about sharing parts of yourself (hopes, dreams, fears, ideas) makes me feel more alive. Can you relate?? Or are you more of a small talk peep?

Hopefully do some more cooking. Ahaha.

Write my novel (or at least really get going on it). It’s still in the simmering, stressful stages of development and random scribbled scenes/ideas. Which is annoying. As long as I’ve had this idea in my head, and as much brain work + blood and sweat and tears I’ve put into it, I feel like I should be much closer to actually finishing. :P

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Take more photos. Lots of photos.

I want to go on an aimless little road trip. Drive with the windows down, find a countrysideish place to stop and have a picnic or just watch the clouds.

I think I mentioned last post that I feel like I’ve been running running running lately. I’m feeling – some days – a little burnt out. Mentally, physically. So one thing I’d love to accomplish this summer is slowing down, to refresh, relax, and spend some valuable time with God.

 

June is going to be epic, guys. See you midmonth (here’s hoping I’ll have a lot of conference pics and moments to share). 

xx,

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I’M BACCKKK + overview of the past two months + some changes

So I kind of took an unplanned hiatus there. Hmm.

But I’m bacckkkkk!

And I have new plans!! For one, I’m really going to work on the inconsistency in my posting pattern, I promise. :P And also trying to get my overall blogging style down here… I’m thinking somewhat briefer, journal entry-like updates might be more my jam. I want to go a little deeper than the playful bookish and writing posts I’ve been doing in the past. They’re super fun and I’ll definitely plan on featuring such things here and there… but on a general scope we’re gonna change it up here.

So I’m excited about that.

Life: has been hectic and beautiful and wow. The weather’s been going through some serious ups and downs though. Like, May. Make up yo mind.

 

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I feel like I’ve been going and doing soooo much lately. Pro-life ministry + several consecutive mini road trips + awesome time w friends + coffee w friends (see above picture. glorious, amaright? it was so good) + driving practice + got my hair chopped + some sporadic plotting on my novel + stressing about blog. Hi.

Geometry word problems. I understand nottthhhing.

I’ve decided that spaghetti is my love language.

I haven’t seen Infinity War yet but I’ve already been exposed to every single one of the death spoilers. Sooo.

 

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I’m going to cry my eyes out when I actually see the movie. 10/10 guarantee it, haha. 

Whew. And then next month is when I’ll be heading off to a Christian youth conference in Tennessee with some of ma frands. I’m thrilled about that. It’s going to be such a fun time to spend with brothers and sisters in Christ. <3

But anyhoww. There’s something I want to delve into a little bit today. And that is, why I’m changing up the blog style here.

The truth is, I want to expose my true self a little more in these posts. Personal struggles, questions, vulnerabilities. Get a little more real with you guys. I feel like at times I have a tendency to show a different self to people on the outside, on the internet: someone who’s always upbeat, [semi-]confident, humorous and lively. 

Not to say that’s not my true personality. Because it kind of is.

But my character also has a much less positive side, and that I don’t show so much.

I think it has a lot to do with my personality type (ISFP – core flaw: fluctuating self-esteem). But here’s this. At times, I am very, very insecure.

As in, crippling insecurity.

Btw, I think it’s funny how they express that (fluctuating self-esteem), simple and bland. Like it’s some tranquil oscillating little creature and not A BEAST SCREECHING DRASTICALLY UP AND DOWN THE SCALE.

I’ve gone through a full day of depression after an episode of severe conversational awkwardness. It’s awful. xD

But anyways. I’m really trying not to let this become the stereotypical trendy “let’s become more vulnerable/get real” post… you know, you see it everywhere. But that is a bit of what I’m trying to accomplish… I want to bare some of my insecurities and flaws and thoughts. Random ramblings, everyday life happenings, imperfect photos, occasional deep stuff.

I also want to change up the posts just for fun, and because I think they’ll be less stressful this way. :P

Had to share that too.

What have ya’ll been up to, guys??? I’m so glad to be back?? 

 

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My Favorite Fictional Couples Tropes – IN WHICH I RANT ABOUT MY INSANE SHIPS

Hello, lovelies! It’s practically spring. :D

I finally got my act together and got back to posting this after half a month of inactivity… so yeahhh. Hi.

Today’s post is pretty self-explanatory. I personally am a crazy shipper… I think it gets on my family’s nerves sometimes actually (it gets on my nerves too)… but I’ve developed valuable skills and can sense a romance coming from a mile away, sooo. In the end, it’s all been worth it. XD And today I go over a few tropes in fictional romance that are my favorites. Enjoy.

 

The “Childhood Love” Couple

Obviously the ones that have been best friends since they were small. This one makes me ridiculously happy. It’s just so perfect and pure. *squee*

My favorite examples:

  • Esperanza + Miguel (Esperanza Rising, Pam Muñoz Ryan) – This is still one of my favorite books. It’s such a happy book. You know what I mean, it just gives you this amazing nostalgic-y, uplifted feeling. Plus Esperanza and Miguel’s bond is so wholesome and strong. I like.
  • Anne + Gilbert (Anne of Green Gables series, L.M. Montgomery) – CLASSIC. These two are a 100% excellent excellent example and I love them. The movies don’t do the books justice, but I still think their relationship is deliciously done in film as well.

 

 

 

Shy Girl + Charming Guy

This one seems pretty popular. The bashful protagonist with a kind, precious heart (we all love her), and the sweet, engaging guy who comes into her life with adorable smiles and kindness and takes her breath away (we just might love him even more). The best thing ever is to watch the girl get all awkward and even cuter because the guy is so captivating without even meaning to be… it’s super ultra sweet. Very enjoyable.

My favorite examples:

  • Aza + Ijori (Fairest, Gail Carson Levine) – I loved watching Aza fall for him, little bit by little bit. The way she tries to resist his irresistibleness, and the fact that he finds her beautiful when no one else does. All the heart eyes.
  • Ella + Kit (Disney’s Cinderella, 2015) – A lot of things about this movie were a little cheesy to me… sweetly cheesy, but cheesy nonetheless. But! But. Kit and Ella’s romance was precious. This much I will admit.
  • Catherine + Henry (Northanger Abbey, Jane Austen) – In my opinion, one of the best examples. Especially in the movie (:P it’s truuue).

 

I mean pfft they share a love of books. #goals

 

 

Fiesty Gal + Stable, Quieter Guy

Here we have the fireball who has everything under control. She’s independent and spirited, and perhaps a little bit impetuous… And then we have this guy, this perfect character to balance her. Level-headed, with a determined but equable approach and a knack of calming her down and keeping her steady. THEY FIT TOGETHER LIKE A PUZZLE.

My favorite examples:

  • Enna + Finn (The Books of Bayern, Shannon Hale) – These two have, quite possibly, the best relationship in The Books of Bayern. They are each exactly what the other needs. Finn’s so good at calming Enna’s flinty temper, and she stimulates him in the best way, drawing out the strengths of his character and making us smile.
  • Scarlet + Wolf (The Lunar Chronicles, Marissa Meyer) – Yass. I loved how their romance developed over the course of the series; it started out meh and seriously improved. Amaright??

 

 

The Bantering Couple

When they have chemistry and sass together. This is one of the most enjoyable ships, in my humble opinion. Watching their mutual snappy dislike morph into true care for each other (though usually/hopefully they still continue the hilarious banter). It’s great.

My favorite examples:

  • Leo + Calypso (Heroes of Olympus, Rick Riordan) – I didn’t get to see as much of them together as I would have liked, but what I got… <3 <3 We have sassy Leo, who is probably my favorite character in the entire series just so everybody’s aware. And then we have Calypso, who challenges him with her perfect sassy comebacks. They’re perfect for each other.
  • René + Sophia (Rook, Shannon Cameron) – Yesss muahaha. I’m going to apologize in advance here because I have no idea how many spheres of the internet I’ve roared about René’s perfection on now… if you’re following me anywhere else odds are you’ve heard all this before. But seriously, words fail me. They just – fail me. Tbh, a couple aspects of his and Sophia’s romance got on my nerves… but only a couple. The great majority of it was witty, hilarious perfection.
  • Declan O’Callaghan + Anna (Leap Year, 2010) – …Need I say more?? (I can’t believe I only saw this movie for the first time last month.)

 

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Cocky, Intrepid Guy + Shy/Quiet Girl 

This one is so satisfying. Sophisticated, dashing dude meets vulnerable sweet roll with a big, compassionate heart, and romance happens. It’s really fun to watch the affection unfold between them; when the girl is able to bring out the guy’s flawed, broken side, and when he gives her courage. Much applause.

My favorite examples:

  • Cress + Thorne (The Lunar Chronicles, Marissa Meyer) – Do we all agree that they were just perfect for each other? Absolutely perfect. I liked that Cress’s blind crush on Thorne developed into such a true love, and that she seemed to soften and make him a better person.
  • Luka + Yael (Wolf by Wolf, Ryan Graudin) – I feel like they fit more loosely into this category. But they fit nonetheless.* Yael is a lot more damaged than shy and vulnerable, given her past, but she does have that element of tenderheartedness. And then Luka is the ultimate in cocky jerkism… until of course she encourages him into becoming a better person.
*Do not question me. I have my own superior logic. Obvs.
  • Rapunzel + Flynn (Disney’s Tangled, 2010) – One of my favorite Disney couples. Despite having a very limited falling-in-love time frame, I feel like the attraction arc and overall chemistry between them was very realistically (and cutely?) done.

 

Related imageAlso Flynn.

 

 

The Adorable Best-Friends Couple 

This one makes me soooo happy. The two that just have this playful, chummy, and close relationship, and absolutely, honestly adore each other.

  • Ella + Char (Ella Enchanted, Gail Carson Levine) – I cannot express how much I love love love these two. They are my favorite and my best. ;) I love that their ship is so middle-grade worthy and pure, but also romantic too?!? And how Ella is the one who stimulates Char and makes him laugh, but he’s the one who encourages her and admires her and gives her strength.
  • Valancy + Barney Snaith (The Blue Castle, L.M. Montgomery) – The bond they have melts my heart. L.M. Montgomery did a master’s job building the affection slowly but surely between them, from cozy companionship to real longing for each other.

 

 

Mutually Shy Beans

The couple that are both so shy that they won’t admit they love each other, so you’re dyinggg because 52% of you ships them so hard it physically hurts, and the other 48% wants to knock their heads together for being such adorable idiots. Like YOU LOVE EACH OTHER JUST ADMIT IT ALREADY. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

Examples:

  • Edward + Elinor (Sense and Sensibility, Jane Austen) – Though can I just add, they were sooo much lovelier in both the movie adaptations than in the book.
  • Jane Bennett + Charles Bingley (Pride and Prejudice, also Jane Austen) – So these two were okay in the book, but sort of even more background characters. I didn’t really get to see their romance like I did in the movie. And I’m talking the 2005 version here. I know; go ahead and attack me for loving it, outraged book fans. I should be ashamed. BUT. HOW can you not love Jane and Bingley in it?? They are SO PRECIOUS. I CAN’T.

 

Image result for jane and bingley gifToo. Much. Cuteness.

 

 

Tough Girl + Awkward Guy With Hidden Depths

This girl is a hyper cannonball of courage and high spirits. She has grit and wit and she will fight you… she’s also possibly quite attractive as well?? The guy in question here is a little bit less demonstrative, a little bit undeveloped. To be honest, he’s quite awkward. But then it turns out (surprise!) this girl also has a softer, more vulnerable side. He brings it out, exposes her hidden sweetness. And she draws forth his strong points.

  • Aud + Halli (Heroes of the Valley, Jonathan Stroud) – Though it’s never outright stated that these two become a couple, it’s implied. Which I like. Because I ship them. :P Aud made some slightly coarse jokes here and there (I shouldn’t have laughed at her….. I did), but I thought her breezy bravery and overall good humor was an excellent match for Halli’s quieter personality.
  • Hiccup + Astrid (How to Train Your Dragon, 2010) I think these two are the ultimate example. I LOVVVVE their chemistry. The movie as a whole had its flaws (it was still pretty darn good tho), but the romance between them was one thing perfectly achieved. I mean. They’re adorable.

 

I know this is from HTTYD 2, but whatever. In my opinion it’s the best gif of them.

 

 

Mutually Protective, Save-the-World-Together Couple

The ones that always have each other’s back, throughout danger and adventures alike. There for each other, strengthening each other, protecting each other… otherwise being sweet.

  • Percy + Annabeth (Percy Jackson and The Heroes of Olympus, Rick Riordan) I think Percabeth are a pretty common example for literary dream couples. But. They’re awesome. A couple who battle mythological beasts and trek through Tartarus together, stay together. ;P Their relationship is my favorite; it makes me smile [and sometimes crack up laughing].
  • Elizabeth + Will (Pirates of the Caribbean, 2003) – They’re just lovely together. That is all.
  • Calvin + Meg (A Wrinkle in Time series, Madeleine L’Engle) – These two also fit well into the Childhood Love category, which makes me happy. But I think they fulfill this one too. They were honestly my favorite bookish couple ever when I was younger (part of the reason may or may not have been that I had a massive literary crush on Calvin) (“had”, ahahaha).

 

 

 Gruff/Socially Repressed Guy + The Girl He Can’t Resist

Here’s Dark and Withdrawn Guy who pushes people away and yet has a secret lonely side… then one particular girl appears, intrudes on his life, and rocks the foundations of his antisocial world. She draws him out of his shell. She makes him have feelings. WHY IS SHE MAKING HIM SMILE? WHY CAN’T HE RESIST HER PRECIOUSNESS?

  • Jane + Mr. Rochester (Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë) – Their romance makes me want to cry. :’)
  • Elizabeth + Darcy (Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen) – They’ve become a pretty much stereotypical couple, but I don’t care. They fit into this trope so well. Darcy is completely standoffish in the beginning, also a teensy bit arrogant (though not as much so as Elizabeth perceives him to be, of course). And she hates him. :) A good foundation for any romance. And then it turns out each of them completely captivates the other (over the course of a lot of humbling and self-sacrifice), and bang, Jane Austen has a classic.
  • Beauty + the Beast (the movie or the fairytale) – Ah yes.
  • Molly Hooper + Sherlock (BBC’s Sherlock) – These two are a difficult subject for me because…[spoilerish content ahead woop] they didn’t. end. up together. And I SHIPPED THEM. I NEEDED THEM TOGETHER. I – I can’t. My feels are broken. But I think they fit into this category pretty well, because Molly so uniquely brought out his emotions and his stifled compassionate half… (nope, i’m fine. i’m okay). Most people couldn’t do that. And don’t try to tell me he didn’t love her, really truly love her, because I will not listen to you.

 

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I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life.

 

Thank you for reading, and for your support! It really means a lot. :) Comment below with some examples that I’ve forgotten (or just left out, because I didn’t want to overwhelm you all and have a yard-long post ahaha). Or just your favorite ships. I will rant over them with you. I sympathize.

 

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