a small dream

 

In a dream, I live in a house hugged by woods. A house with creaky stairs and big windows and imperfections; a house with personality. A kitchen that looks out at the sunset, an oven for baking good smells. A big sink for washing peaches and babies in. So many bookshelves.

There’s a garden out back: tomatoes and flowers and green things. A hammock to cuddle in and watch the stars. 

In the dream, I don’t live there alone. There’s someone with a beautiful laugh, hands that feel perfect, and the ocean in his eyes. I can tell him all the stories in my head. When he kisses me it feels like home. We have a lot of inside jokes, a collection of dogs. And a few small barefoot versions of us, who love exploring and gathering pieces of the world.

 

Processed with VSCO with t1 preset

 

6FE0EA0201374C7D9D2B1BAFC8AD014D

Advertisements

maybe love

 

Maybe love isn’t about

heart pounding

skin thrilling

eyes locking,

sparks flying.

Maybe it’s not like that at all.

Maybe it’s a gradual turning-over

like a leaf

from friendship, from indifference,

to a soft missing

when you wake up in the middle of the night;

the knowing of everything about a

person,

down to the dark

down to the unbeautiful.

Maybe it’s a hand offered

when they can’t hold on anymore.

Appreciating them for themselves;

not for how they make you feel

not for their body

but for their person, their soul,

their true self.

Finding that deepest part of them

more beautiful than anything.

Maybe that’s what love really is.

 

IMG_4944

 

6FE0EA0201374C7D9D2B1BAFC8AD014D

 

P.S. mkay, first piece of technical, actual poetry i’ve ever published here for you lovely peoples’ eyes. i don’t write poems often, honestly, but this is one of my (slightly) better ones. still nervous though. haha. bye.

it’s autumn?? + i’m blogging again, what is this

Hey frends. :)

I can’t believe it’s taken me sooooooo ridiculously long to get back into the blogging world. Life has been wonderfully/overwhelmingly chaotic. And we all know how I like procrastinating till my responsibilities devour me. Heh.

Summer 2018 was pretty darn amazing. <33 Spent time with fabulous people. Road tripped. Went to two conferences (both great, 10/10 would recommend). Took a lot of sky photos. Met new people. Canoed. Almost drowned while canoeing (still haven’t recovered, lolol). We watched fireworks + I discovered so many new songs to love + made a million library trips and found new favorite books.

It was a summer I’ll miss.

The novel has been coming along at a quicker pace now (for those of you who actually care)… I’m thinking about trying some very inexperienced actual plotting?? Ish. Just to get all my ideas together. Hahah. I’m very much a “planster”, so it’s a challenge. But I’m unmotivated and need structure in my life. :”’)

 

But. BUT. THE SEASON OF CRISPNESS AND COZY DRINKS IS UPON US.

 

Related image

 

I literally can’tttt describe my love for autumn. It has no words. 

There are just so many SMELLS. The smells of freshness, colored trees, pumpkin spice, bonfires, and roasted marshmallows. The scarves and quilts that have been put up all year. Cinnamon and fallen leaves. The smell of apples.

Can a season be the best just because it has the best smells??

Last week the fam and I took a trip to NC + stayed the night + found our first pumpkin patch of the year. I’M NOT OVEREXCITED, YOU’RE OVEREXCITED.

 

IMG_4485

IMG_4492

IMG_4483

IMG_4482look, he coordinates with the pumpkins

IMG_4475

IMG_4489

IMG_4473

IMG_4484

I’m dying from the beautifulness of all the pumpkins. Also the really sweet elderly dude who owned the patch gave us a bunch of free ones. They’re small and adorable and I just. Wow. Blessed.

Visited a chum who works at Starbucks the other week (rad human bean. she gave us a discount. friends in high places, muahaha) and got pumpkin spice lattes as well. The seasonal bucket list is underway. ;)

Very important question: what’s your fave thing about autumn?

 

I’m so glad to be back. Again.

*awkward laughter*

 

6FE0EA0201374C7D9D2B1BAFC8AD014D

 

P.S. My friends laugh at me for saying “autumn” instead of “fall” (if you’re reading this you know who you are). Apparently it’s a Brit thing… but I’ve grown up alwayssss saying autumn. Help me out here. Which one do you say?

wonder

IMG_1904

Have you noticed, we don’t wonder enough anymore?

I mean awe in the little things of life. Like

the infinite hues of the sky.

The flowers that grow in sidewalk cracks.

Smiles that light up peoples’ eyes.

How often do you stop to appreciate the fact that we live in a world where there are trees?

And laughter.

And kisses.

That shiver in your stomach when thunder rolls overhead.

The way a person’s face glows when they talk about something they love.

That you can walk on the beach and find heart-shaped rocks, or shells that have been caressed by the tides till they’re smooth and perfect.

That we live under a warm, beautiful sun that brings freckles to our skin.

The scent of rain.

I think it may be that technology and society have so far advanced we’re beginning to take some of the most beautiful, smaller things in life for granted. We’re in such a hurry – continually – to accomplish what’s important… and we’re stopping less and less to really look around at the world we live in.

Take the time to watch a sunset now and then. If you see something beautiful in someone, speak it. I think the world would be a happier place if more people stopped to smile, stopped to wonder at the little things.

 

6FE0EA0201374C7D9D2B1BAFC8AD014D

 

back from BWSC + a summary + life continues

Heya, guys. How’s everyone’s almost-summer? 

I got back from BWSC two weeks ago and I’m just now writing about it… which says something about how chaotic my life is right now… but we’re not gonna talk about that. Heh. So now for a messy, rambling account of the trip. And some pictures. Sorry there aren’t more; I completely failed at my goal of getting lots of photos.

The car ride there was a blur. Sunlight slanting through the windows. The Greatest Showman soundtrack. Stopping for lunch. Excitement, mountains, and the open road. It seems like the trip to somewhere always takes so much longer than the trip home… it felt like we were on the highway for hours and hours.

Tennessee is almost as warm as SC right now, but it has MUCH more of a breeze. Seriously. Back home now, the air feels flat as well as steaming hot. :/ Ahhhh.

 

IMG_1761

Processed with VSCO with m3 preset

IMG_1757

 

Our dorm had that stale, new scent when we arrived… not a bad smell, just unlived-in. The beds were raised about a yard from the floor as well? Which was fun?? You had to jump.

There was the time I was trying to wrestle my fitted sheet onto my bed, and I couldn’t reach the far corner, so I kind of executed this fantastic upward lunge across the mattress… and that’s when I lost my balance and the whole thing flipped over and squashed me against the floor.

Anywayyy. So many memories made.

Waking up with the sun the first morning… and taking literally five minutes to figure out how to operate the shower (at which time I was huddled half-awake under a rush of ice-cold water) (some concerns regarding hypothermia??)

The sounds of the cafeteria. Sleepy eyes, half-wet hair, the smell of coffee. Some dubious-looking eggs and slightly sketchy sausage. Also hashbrowns, which were actually really good. It’s kind of hard to mess up hashbrowns.

Walking downhill to lectures. Finding seats and stepping over legs, notebooks and searching for a pen. Walking back uphill to lunch.

Sitting in the cool night grass, watching volleyball. Spiders coming out onto the pavement. Saying goodnights and running to our dorms two minutes before curfew like responsible adults.

 

IMG_1762

 

Me: *standing behind this guy at breakfast, waiting for him to finish pouring himself cereal*

He: *elaborately fills an entire bowl with fruit loops* *pours chocolate milk on top of them*

Me:

 

Everyone cramming into one booth in the cafeteria. Laughing so hard it hurt. The food was… yeah. It was cafeteria food. :P We just ate way to many carbs and avoided the meat.  

Lunging up onto my ridiculous bed at night, and hoping I wouldn’t wake up on the floor in the morning with a broken back ahaha.

Speed volleyball, which was a new and overwhelming concept for me. That was the night I decided to sit and watch from the grass. Observing everyone else’s skill is good with me. XD

The week felt like an eternity, and yet it FLEW BY. I was just starting to get into the routine of everything and then it was time to leavvvve.

Lots of awkward hugging of newly-met people (shaking hands feels so stiff as a goodbye gesture, and there’s no alternative that’s a happy medium). And packing, ugh. How is it there’s always like twice as much junk to pack on the way home? 

 

Processed with VSCO with t1 preset

IMG_1760

IMG_1753

Processed with VSCO with t1 preset

 

I’m so excited for next year. There were some truly amazing speakers and lectures, and I already miss all the cool people we met. :)

But on the ride home we had oreos… so that of course was some consolation.

 xx,

6FE0EA0201374C7D9D2B1BAFC8AD014D

 

P.S. Current fav song I discovered last week: Not Today, by Imagine Dragons. It makes me want to cry. :’)) Listen to it pls.

JUNE IS ALMOST HERE + some summer plans

Yo, frends.

It’s actually almost JUNE. And I’m asking myself how this happened?? In another month or two the year will be halfway over, guys. Where has the time gone.

But anyway. SUMMER. SUMMER IS ALSO ALMOST HERE. And following is a smol list of plans/goals I’d like to accomplish in the weeks ahead. :)

 

IMG_1486

IMG_1474

 

BWSC. My first youth conference, whoop (i’m already thoroughly convinced that it’s going to be an awesome experience. it’s also every year, so, go look into that). It’s a week and a half away and approaching fast. I am meanwhile [stressfully] getting all the necessary stuff together, making plans, packing. There’s so much to think through. O.O Like, do I actually have enough shirts for this.

Planting a garden would be sooo much fun. But… sigh. Imma be realistic here. It’s one of those things we say we’re going to do every singe year… and then NEVERR DO. xD

READ. I just took out eleven books from the library (quite a heap, even for me), and so far I’ve only read… three? I need to step it up.

Have more deep conversations. One of my favorite things is when you find a friend you can have meaningful talks with as well as lighter chat… something about sharing parts of yourself (hopes, dreams, fears, ideas) makes me feel more alive. Can you relate?? Or are you more of a small talk peep?

Hopefully do some more cooking. Ahaha.

Write my novel (or at least really get going on it). It’s still in the simmering, stressful stages of development and random scribbled scenes/ideas. Which is annoying. As long as I’ve had this idea in my head, and as much brain work + blood and sweat and tears I’ve put into it, I feel like I should be much closer to actually finishing. :P

i love lucy GIF by HULU

Take more photos. Lots of photos.

I want to go on an aimless little road trip. Drive with the windows down, find a countrysideish place to stop and have a picnic or just watch the clouds.

I think I mentioned last post that I feel like I’ve been running running running lately. I’m feeling – some days – a little burnt out. Mentally, physically. So one thing I’d love to accomplish this summer is slowing down, to refresh, relax, and spend some valuable time with God.

 

June is going to be epic, guys. See you midmonth (here’s hoping I’ll have a lot of conference pics and moments to share). 

xx,

6FE0EA0201374C7D9D2B1BAFC8AD014D

 

 

I’M BACCKKK + overview of the past two months + some changes

So I kind of took an unplanned hiatus there. Hmm.

But I’m bacckkkkk!

And I have new plans!! For one, I’m really going to work on the inconsistency in my posting pattern, I promise. :P And also trying to get my overall blogging style down here… I’m thinking somewhat briefer, journal entry-like updates might be more my jam. I want to go a little deeper than the playful bookish and writing posts I’ve been doing in the past. They’re super fun and I’ll definitely plan on featuring such things here and there… but on a general scope we’re gonna change it up here.

So I’m excited about that.

Life: has been hectic and beautiful and wow. The weather’s been going through some serious ups and downs though. Like, May. Make up yo mind.

 

IMG_0969

IMG_0854

Processed with VSCO with t1 preset

 

I feel like I’ve been going and doing soooo much lately. Pro-life ministry + several consecutive mini road trips + awesome time w friends + coffee w friends (see above picture. glorious, amaright? it was so good) + driving practice + got my hair chopped + some sporadic plotting on my novel + stressing about blog. Hi.

Geometry word problems. I understand nottthhhing.

I’ve decided that spaghetti is my love language.

I haven’t seen Infinity War yet but I’ve already been exposed to every single one of the death spoilers. Sooo.

 

everyday amy poehler GIF

 

I’m going to cry my eyes out when I actually see the movie. 10/10 guarantee it, haha. 

Whew. And then next month is when I’ll be heading off to a Christian youth conference in Tennessee with some of ma frands. I’m thrilled about that. It’s going to be such a fun time to spend with brothers and sisters in Christ. <3

But anyhoww. There’s something I want to delve into a little bit today. And that is, why I’m changing up the blog style here.

The truth is, I want to expose my true self a little more in these posts. Personal struggles, questions, vulnerabilities. Get a little more real with you guys. I feel like at times I have a tendency to show a different self to people on the outside, on the internet: someone who’s always upbeat, [semi-]confident, humorous and lively. 

Not to say that’s not my true personality. Because it kind of is.

But my character also has a much less positive side, and that I don’t show so much.

I think it has a lot to do with my personality type (ISFP – core flaw: fluctuating self-esteem). But here’s this. At times, I am very, very insecure.

As in, crippling insecurity.

Btw, I think it’s funny how they express that (fluctuating self-esteem), simple and bland. Like it’s some tranquil oscillating little creature and not A BEAST SCREECHING DRASTICALLY UP AND DOWN THE SCALE.

I’ve gone through a full day of depression after an episode of severe conversational awkwardness. It’s awful. xD

But anyways. I’m really trying not to let this become the stereotypical trendy “let’s become more vulnerable/get real” post… you know, you see it everywhere. But that is a bit of what I’m trying to accomplish… I want to bare some of my insecurities and flaws and thoughts. Random ramblings, everyday life happenings, imperfect photos, occasional deep stuff.

I also want to change up the posts just for fun, and because I think they’ll be less stressful this way. :P

Had to share that too.

What have ya’ll been up to, guys??? I’m so glad to be back?? 

 

6FE0EA0201374C7D9D2B1BAFC8AD014D